Explanation

I can't really take credit for the title of this blog. Having a third grade vocabulary has allowed me to read and/or comprehend little more than books 1-3 of the Harry Potter series, Encyclopedia Brown and the Case of the Disgusting Sneakers, and Choose Your Own Adventure: Your Code Name is Jonah. That's why I like the funny pages, or as I prefer to call them: extremely short graphic novellas. Having moved to New York, my wife and I subscribe to the New York Times, which evidently doesn't have an extremely short graphic novellas section, so I have to pretend to "read" the annoying wordy part of the paper, which is everything. I'm sure our cat thinks I'm that two-headed monster from Sesame Street, "Hez......bollah, Hez.....bollah, Hez....bollah, Hez...bollah, Hez..bollah, Hezbollah!!!!" Without a doubt, I'm the only person in my building squealing with pride after sounding that one out. And I'm certain that by printing the word Hezbollah on this page I will now longer be able to board an airplane. Have a nice day.

Anywho (I'm told that's the hip way to write "anyhow," kind of like using this thing --> ;) or these --> LOL, BFF, BTW, POS, ROTFL, and who can forget THWEOQYIUATYOZXMOMP), the phrase "eschew obfuscation" means to deliberately avoid or abstain from being confusing, unclear or unintelligible, and while writing this sentence I had to refer back to the dictionary six times, Oxford not Websters, biatch! A good friend of mine had a t-shirt with this phrase printed on it. He wore the shirt in 1996, and I finally figured out what it meant last July, thanks owed to another good friend who works for the State Department and her boyfriend who is actually a member of Mensa, no joke, he took the test and everything. They also pointed out to me that there is, in fact, irony intended by this phrase... you know, like rain on your wedding day, or a free ride when you've already paid.

Honestly, I just kind of like the way "eschew obfuscation" rolls off the tongue, like those Japanese pop songs made up entirely of random English words that the artist or singer thinks sound nice together. And slap a Hello Kitty picture on this and it could be the next hot thing on that little island in the Pacific!

I began this page as a challenge to myself. I simply must eschew television-watching. If the energy I devote to this blog has the potential to distract me from tuning in to TBS to watch Blade II or Legally Blonde for the twenty-seventh and nineteenth time, respectively, then mission-accomplished. I think my problem with time management as it relates to the television is owed in large part to my career, which has me frequently staying in anonymous hotel rooms. No, I'm not an employee of the "oldest profession," but rather I am a "vocal performance professional" and yes, there is a distinction between the two. Right, time to eschew a little obfuscation: "vocal performance professional," or VPP for short, means I use my voice to earn a livelihood, like Pavarotti, Mandy Patinkin, or Oliver Twist. Other famous VPPs include William Shatner (vis-à-vis his Beat-Poet stylings in the Priceline commercial), Moses, and The Naked Cowboy at Times Square. My job demands constant travelling. Travelling to strange and enchanting new lands. Places like Cleveland, Ohio. Surrounded by such exoticism, I find myself longing for the familiar and mundane, thus I turn to television... or JoAnn's Fabrics, but that's another entry.

So, I'll thank you now for your infinite patience in reading the above ghost-written entry and in the truest spirit of Choose Your Own Adventure I will close with:

THE END...?