My cat and the 21st President of the United States, undeniable differences!

Despite the uncannily similar sense of fashion which could be described as "dandy" or "foppish," a striking physical resemblance manifesting itself in a shared affinity for amassing girth and alluring facial hair, and a common namesake (both go by "Chet") there are surprising, some might even say shocking, differences between my cat Chester and a one Mr. Chester A. Arthur. Although perhaps not obvious from the above photographs, Chester the cat is a neutered male cat while Mr. Chester A. Arthur was, according to all historical accounts, an unneutered human man. That small point aside, let us delve into the more subtle yet infinitely more important differences between these two political figures.

Mr. Chester A. Arthur served as Quartermaster General of the State of New York, as well as Collector of the Port of New York, the latter of which was a position bestowed upon him by eighteenth President Ulysses Grant. Although a stalwart supporter of the political process and an active member and volunteer at his local 4-H headquarters, Chester the cat has never held public office. Additionally, poor fundraising and networking skills as well as a general inability to master coherent speech have, time and again, dashed Chester the cat's hopes of being nominated to a winning Presidential ticket. Contrastly, Mr. Chester A. Arthur will forever retain his position in history as our nation's twenty-first President after serving as Vice President under James Garfield. Chester the cat is an avid reader of "Get Fuzzy" and hates the comic strip "Garfield."

Mr. Chester A. Arthur held presidential office for three years and did not seek renomination in 1884 because of failing health. Chester the cat has held the office in our apartment for over 6 years and has no intentions of leaving said office or of ever dying. At this point I should disclose that our cat, like Chester A. Arthur, suffers from acute health concerns. Currently, we have him on a prescription urinary tract food to prevent future infections. But might I also say that all research and firsthand journal accounts have led me to conclude that Chester A. Arthur's bladder and urethra functioned admirably throughout his lifespan. There is absolutely no evidence to suggest that our twenty-first president EVER required precription urinary tract food.

In regard to public policy Chester the cat couldn't be more of a polar opposite to Mr. Arthur. While Chester A. Arthur's Federal Immigration Law excluded paupers, criminals, and lunatics, Chester the cat is an open advocate for paupers, criminals, and lunatics... particularly lunatics. Although embarassed by annual surpluses in government revenue generated by high tariffs Chester A. Arthur ultimately succumbed to congressional pressure and signed the so-called "Mongrel" Tariff Act of 1883. Chester the cat hates dogs!

I expect that all serious readers of this entry will be compelled to fact-check what I have written. However, I am confident that any additional findings will only help to buttress my argument. Despite amazing physical similarities, the mountain of differences, as slight as they may be, must lead one to conclude that Chester the cat and Chester A. Arthur, twenty-first president of the United States, are completely autonomous figures, uninfluenced by the other's public policies and personal opinions. And with that, Mr. Chairman, I would like to yield the remainder of my time to the gentleman from North Dakota.