Nuts 4 Nuts...

If you are a resident of one of the five boroughs of New York City, most likely you've seen a "Nuts 4 Nuts" cart around town. If you operate one of these carts this is your opportunity to eschew obfuscation! I am a huge supporter of the honey-roasted nut and of the vendors of the Nuts 4 Nuts carts and their cause; however, I have recently become confused by one particular business practice of Nuts 4 Nuts and its subsidiaries. If you have a magnifying glass, you might use it now to look at the picture above and to the left of this text field... and you might want to be sitting down for this one! The usual menu assortment at any cart offers honey-roasted peanuts, cashews, almonds, and... coconuts. Observe the "s" at the end of coconuts. Not coconut, as in shredded, dried, sweetened (or unsweetened), as most of us would expect, but rather some pluralized version. Coconut is only a numerable quantity when whole and in it's small cantaloupe-sized state. So, "coconuts" implies that when one orders this option they receive at least 2 (two) coconuts, whole. Although I have never ordered "coconuts" at a Nuts 4 Nuts cart, I am going to assume that my reasoning in this particular matter is irrefutably airtight and will thus fashion the following questions and arguments as such.

When one orders peanuts or almonds from the Nuts 4 Nuts cart the customer receives his or her order in a small wax-paper cone or bag. Exactly how many coconuts could one fit into a small wax-paper bag, you might ask? Exactly none. A coconut is quite large, too large to fit into a 3-ounce bag. So then, what, a yard compost bag for the coconuts plural? Maybe one of those old-timey dunce caps or an orange construction cone? All good suggestions, yet there appear to be no suitable recepticles for numerous coconuts or even one coconut at any Nuts 4 Nuts cart I've ever seen. Thus, one reason why I have never ordered "coconuts" from a Nuts 4 Nuts cart: who wants to have to carry a bunch of loose coconuts around midtown Manhattan, regardless of how delectibly honey-roasty they are. That is, of course, assuming you are not a juggler, clown, or my step-grandfather (please see earlier blog entry).

I also have to ask, what is the benefit or advantage of the honey-roasted coconut over the common, everyday coconut? Does honey-roasting the exterior of a coconut affect the flavor? Should I be eating that rough hairy exterior? Do the coconuts sold by Nuts 4 Nuts come with floss or a toothpick to deal with the annoying threads that will inevitably get stuck in one's teeth when eating said hairy exterior? Perhaps the honey-roasting process removes all hair from the coconuts. In this case, what guarantee does one have that he or she is investing in 2 (two) or more fine honey-roasted coconuts and not merely 2 (two) or more dark-brown sticky croquet balls. The Nuts 4 Nuts carts do not, as a rule, give out receipts. Imagine the disappointment of arriving home in anticipation of a delicious coconut treat only to discover that you not only have two thoroughly commonplace, albeit sugary, croquet balls but that no court of law in this fine nation would enforce a refund of your hard-earned money without a receipt. As delightful as a good sticky croquet ball or two can be, the injustice of the situation almost makes you nauseous, doesn't it!

Until the Nuts 4 Nuts corporation begins offering sizeable totes and receipts with each purchase I will not take the extraordinary gamble of ordering "coconuts" from their carts despite my tremendous respect for the common nut vendor.